Top in gay means
Rise of the sides: how Grindr finally recognized queer men who aren’t tops or bottoms
Every month, nearly 11 million gay men around the world proceed on the Grindr app to look for sex with other men. Once there, they can scroll through an endless stream of guys, from handsome to homely, bear to twink. Yet when it comes to choosing positions for sex – a crucial criterion for most gay men – the possibilities have long been simply top and bottom. The only other selection available toggles between those roles: verse (for versatile).
“Not fitting those roles has made it really tough to find someone,” said Jeremiah Hein, 38, of Long Beach, California. “There’s no category to prefer from.”
“Whenever I’d look at those choices I’d believe, ‘I’m none of those things,’” said Shai Davidi, 51, of Tel Aviv, Israel. “I felt there must be something incorrect with me.”
Last month, however, that finally changed. In mid-May, Grindr added a position called side, a designation that upends the binary that has historically dominated gay male society. Sides are men who find fulfillment in every kind of sexual behave except anal penetration. Instead, a broad range of oral, manual and frictional body techniques provide
I’m gay and I’m not a top or a bottom – I’m a ‘side’
As a homosexual man, prying strangers and potential hook-ups alike possess asked me one interrogate more times than I’ve had hot dinners.
‘Top or bottom?’
Words get me out of bed in the morning, and when uttered by the right people at the right occasion, they’ve also been established to get me into bed.
But neither of these – superior or bottom – accurately describe what I select to get up to in the boudoir, so my response has always been a guarded mix of shrug and mumble.
Here’s the tea: I’m actually a ‘side’, a designation coined by American psychotherapist and sexologist Joe Kort to describe those, enjoy me, for whom penetrative sex – in either position – does very little.
Getting the peach involved is, quite literally, a pain in the ass, but as for the aubergine, let’s just say that hands and mouths always know the assignment way better.
To continue the food metaphor: if man-on-man action were a dinner party, I’d have zero interest in sitting down to a bland meal when the amuse-bouches are so good.
I confess that I indulged in a lot of sex in my 20s – penetrative sex.
It oddly took yo
What Does “Top” Mean?
In the context of gay relationships and sexual dynamics, terms such as “top”, “bottom”, “verse” and “side” are often used to detail a person’s sexual preferences and roles. It is important to knowing these terms not only for members of the Gay community, but also for increasing understanding and acceptance of queer relationships in society.
What Does “Top” Mean?Physical AspectsEmotional and Psychological AspectsCommunication and ConsentWhat Does “Bottom” Mean?Physical AspectsEmotional and Psychological AspectsThe Stigma Around Entity a BottomWhat Does “Verse” Mean?Accepting DiversityCommunication and CompatibilityWhat Does “Side” Mean?Non-Penetrative IntimacyOpposing NormsAccepting One’s IdentityRoles and MythsHealth and Safety During Gay Sex
As a control, in gay sexual relationships, the “top” is the partner who has a penetrative role during anal sex. However, the notion of top includes much more than just physical actions: it includes a whole set of attitudes, preferences, and sometimes feeling roles.
Physical Aspects
In physical terms, the top in a gay sexual relationship is the partner performing the penetration. This may comprise the use
Troye Sivan said he's a 'verse' during sex, not a 'top' or 'bottom.' Here's what the terms mean.
Troye Sivan, a singer known for his path "Bloom," recently set linear rumors that he only enjoys receiving penetration during sex.
"I think in the sort of consciousness of gay people I'm some crazy power bottom or something, which is just not the case, and I just wanted to put that out there," Sivan, a gay male, said on Emily Ratajkowski's podcast "High Low."
Sivan said that he's a "verse," meaning he enjoys both penetrating a partner and being penetrated during sex.
"Verse," as well as the terms "top" and "bottom" are popular ways to describe sexual preferences in the queer community.
While the terms were originally used to describe the sexual preferences of queer men in the 1970s, more LGBTQ+ people have adopted the terms to speak about what they appreciate in sex.
Lately, top/bottom/verse discourse has grown more evident on TikTok, where homosexual people have been making videos describing the distinct struggles of each preference.
It's significant to note that each of these categories means something a little diverse to each person, s
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